Two Quacks in a Row

Regular Season End

As the regular season has ended, the Anaheim Ducks have not only made the playoffs for the 4th time in a row since phenom GM VideoJ took over the franchise, but they have also won their division as well. While they may not have won the President’s trophy like a lesser GM, who was told by his owners that if he fails to meet the playoffs for the 4th straight time, he will be fired, thus sold off all his future assets for an imminent unsuccessful run at the cup, they were able to come out of the West as the second seed! Led by a core of veteran skaters, and their new stud net protector Tristan Jarry, the Anaheim Ducks look to Quack their way through a weak first round opponent in the Minnesota Wild and GM Douche.

Edit: Sorry, my editor has informed me that there was an error in the printing of this article, and it is GM Souche, not Douche. I insincerely apologize for that typo.

Two Quacks up, Two To Go

After two home games against the Wild, the Anaheim Ducks are 2-0. Game 1 featured a 4-1 slaughter with 10 players receiving at least a point in the game. After three goals scored in the second period, including the laser wrist shot on the powerplay and game winner by captain Patrice Bergeron, (that Stupid Sidney Crosby took an unnecessary penalty, again showing that Bergeron is the superior captain) the Minnesota Wild were desperate. So desperate they attempted to switch sports and try for some soccer goals instead. The goal was overturned and while the Wild did manage to pot a late goal, it was a futile attempt.

The Anaheim Ducks were flying high after their first victory and probably started off a bit too confident. This saw them let in an early first goal against them by some scrub that will remain nameless, as his name is too stupid to spell anyway. The game was quickly taken back to even on a goal by centerman Michael Backlund, who also scored in the second to take the lead. The third period was full of action, as the Ducks again received scoring from multiple lines. TJ Tynan, a late season call-up (and was supposed to be sent back down) has earned his keep, as he scored a brilliant goal after adding an assist in the first game. Minnesota struck back with a goal by the only player on their team that is worth mentioning, by young stud defenseman (whom deserves to be on the Ducks but GM Souche is too mean to trade him to the team he really wants to be on and thrive and win a cup with and retire his jersey and be inducted into the hall of fame and coach the team and then GM the team and then be buried at center ice after his untimely death of sleeping with Carmen Elecktra’s great granddaughter) Charlie McAvoy. Another player, who since becoming a Montreal Canadien in real life has been nothing short of poop, even had the opportunity for a penalty shot to get them back in the game but was thwarted by Tristan Jarry.

Up next, the Ducks travel to Minnesota where they hope to go 1 and 1 with the Wild so that they can win with a real audience in front of them.

Quack