14 free agents worth signing on name basis alone

When it comes to evaluate what players to add to their rosters, every team have their own peculiar process. Most of the time, the player’s skills and on ice-results are important. But when you get into depth players, one intangible is sure to make an impact on almost any GM : having a kick-ass name.

We could have predicted years ago Owen Power was going to go first overall based on his name alone. We we’re also all saddened to learn that Jack Bar and Riley Kidney didn’t end up in Anaheim as they obviously should have in the last entry draft. A few weeks ago, a very doubtful trade was submitted to the league that made “prospect” Adam Parsells a new member of the NY Islanders. We still couldn’t figure what saw in this player General Manager Parcels…. Oh wait !

So for everyone looking to add some bad-ass names next to their 50-names roster, here is your long awaited list of 14 free agents worth signing on name basis alone.

Mareks Mitens – G – 23 – AHL Utica Comets

Look at this cutie with his little mittens ! Safe to say the 23 years old goalie expected to join the Utica Comets next year has a stellar glove save or two up his sleeve for you and your team.

Matt Ginn – G – 30 – EIHL Manchester Storm

Who knows how far Matthew could have gone had he stuck with Gatorade. Too bad the 30 years old goalie is headed to England next season, he was truly known to be the life of the party.

Sean Bonar – G – 30 – EIHL Manchester Storm

This 30 years old goalie has everything to get you excited. The 6’2 B.C. native is always hard to play against since graduating from Princeton in 2014. At least, that’s what she said.

Will Graber – D – 25 – AHL Hershey Bears

If Logan Mailloux is worth drafting in the first round of the entry draft, I really don’t see how you can pass on Will Graber. Just make sure you never bring your wife to work.

Mike Lee or Matt Miller - ???

You want to include some obscure player in a trade with another GM ? go with a full-on incognito name. While the other GMs takes 10 minutes of scrolling through search results to find info on THE ACTUAL Mike Lee or Matt Miller, you can sell those like they’re the next Connor Mcdavids.

Jacob Friend – 24 – D – ECHL Jacksonville Icemen

Being an RHL GM sometimes gets lonely. Nobody around understand why you spend so much time discussing trades at this fake-hockey. That’s where Jacob comes in. There will always be room on any team for that friendly face.

Tobie Paquette-Bisson (frenchies special) – 24 – D – AHL Laval Rocket

OMG, est-ce que Tobby s’est finalement mis au hockey ? Après le basket, le football, le baseball !!! le volleyball !?! Il était temps ! Allez-y all-in avec le golden retriever préféré de tous. Enfin un joueur du Rocket de Laval avec du mordant !

Matt Petgrave – 29 – D – ECHL Kansas City Mavericks

To put to sleep all those Bruins, Panthers, Coyotes, Penguins and Ducks, call Matt. His 102 penalty minutes last year alone should tell you enough about his methods.

Ryan Roth – 21 – RW – ECHL Wheeling Nailers

Ryan won’t be mad at you for not playing big minutes, or even being put in the press box for multiple games. Strong of a season of 0 points in 10 ECHL games, the right winger accepted his fate. Just put a jersey on him and let him rot there.

Brad Drobot – 32 – RW – ECHL Wheeling Nailers

First-ever android to make it in the pro leagues, Brad is one part C-3PO and one part Robocop.  Show you’re open-minded and give Terminator a roster spot on your team, you want those on your side anyways when the day comes…

Alex Rodriguez – 25 – RW – ECHL Rapid City Rush

We all know Michael Jordan was awesome at baseball. Deion Sanders too. Tom Brady could even have been a big-time Montreal Expos catcher. Worth a shot. You might even get to meet with J-Lo ? Or Madonna ? I’m confused.

Dysin Mayo – 24 – D – AHL Tucson Roadrunners

His moves are creamy, tasteful, delicious. Add a little bit on him on any line to spice things up. You can bet the 24 years old defenseman signed with the Tucson Roadrunners will be a hot commodity when free agency begins. Formed an epic trio with you know who in the summer leagues.

Honorable mention : A J Jenks – 31 – C – ECHL Fort Wayne Komets

Sounds familiar ? First. Alphabetical. Order. Player in the sim. That’s a good enough reason for me. A J White also available in case the 31 years old journeyman calls it a career !