History of Our Hatred of Kevan Labanc

The history of our hatred for Kevan Labanc starts with the end (I wrote it like that because I think the juxtaposition of start and end is hilarious) of the RHL season of 2018-2019 in the offseason right after Mr. Labanc had 52 points in 82 games, clicking in at about .75 PPG which was very respectable for a fairly young player on a horrible San Jose Sharks team. He was also only a minus 1 on a team that put together about as many wins as an NFL team. GM VideoJ has been a fan of the sharks ever since Joe Thornton, formerly his favourite player, got traded to them from the Boston Bruins for a German Hockey Stick, the “other Primeau”, and one of the most whored around NHL defencemen ever. He saw potential in the young Labanc and read an article about the potential of his upswing with the Sharks. As cost cutting is always an important factor in decisions made by the club owner, also VideoJ, the Anaheim Ducks were looking to shed a salary that year. We had recently traded for and signed Jonathan Marcheassault who was making 5.5 million dollars. As his numbers were pretty similar to Kevan’s, we thought this would be a good opportunity for us to get younger, cheaper, and hopefully better. We also acquired a minor asset as well from GM Mixturebill, but cannot recall, nor fact check due to those taint sucking, ball junkies Cyanwinters and Swabu who don’t know how to share. GM VideoJ was excited about his wheeling and dealing, owner VideoJ was excited about saving nearly 2 million dollars, and also the Anaheim Ducks’ coach, also VideoJ, was excited to slide him into that second line position previously occupied by Jonathan. However, things began to go awry.

Kevan had a decent season in the RHL, however regressed in the NHL. He accumulated merely 33 points in 70 games and was a minus 33. This was not the kind of trajectory we wanted to see out of him, and forced us to drop him down to the third line. Luckily he wasn’t significantly overpaid for this position. He performed as an average 3rd liner for the Ducks, however when the President Trophy winning Ducks were in the playoffs, Kevan was nowhere to be seen. He was a ghost on the ice. Hoping that his stats would bounce back from his slump in the NHL, was a pipe dream. He scored 28 points in 55 games in the abbreviated NHL season and maintained his ho-hum ratings. He was again relegated to the third line and near the trade deadline, the Ducks knew something needed to be done.

With Darcy Kuemper’s contract expiring, and Tristan Jarry on the open market, the Anaheim Ducks wanted to make a splash. Noticing that Labanc had piss-poor stats in the NHL, and were afraid of dead weight on the team for next year, they traded away previously drafted Spencer Knight and Kevan Labanc for Tristan Jarry and a 1st round pick. The Anaheim Ducks were happy. However not a week later, Vegas flipped Labanc for Logan Stanley, Colin White, a 2nd round pick and a 4th round pick. This made GM Lord Stanley look like a genius, which was probably the worst part of all of this.

With the playoffs approaching, and the trade in the rear-view mirror, the Ducks focused on a championship. They blew through the first round, and then it happened. The Ducks were facing their newly traded away player, Kevan Labanc and the Arizona Coyotes. To know how that turned out, read the Defeated by the Dumb Dirty Desert Dogs.