Defeat by the Dumb Dirty Desert Dogs

The second round of the playoffs is rigged. Those dorky dirty desert dogs had no business making the playoffs, let alone making it to the third round! What kind of self respecting team is named after the entire state instead of a city anyway? What’s next, the United States of America Americans? Sounds like a team name that the NFL would have (Yes this is a shot at “The Washington Football Team”). You know what else is garbage about the Arizona Coyotes? They don’t have a captain or assistant captains. No leadership on the ice. In addition, the team is also so bad at holding a GM, I don’t even know who to insult anymore. So hey Skilful, you suck, and you would never discuss trades with me! But I digress...

Let’s recap this atrociously biased series. No one wanted the Anaheim Ducks to win, they were F***** since Katella Ave! A horribly reffed series to begin. Arizona had 13 penalties called, and Anaheim only had 6. How is that fair? We were dealing with way too much defensive play from Arizona killing off penalties. It was like playing NHL 99 on the PC where the 4 players just parked in front of the net and iced the puck continuously. How is that fair? The goalie should be the one stopping the puck, not the players. The Coyotes had an astounding sixty-three shot blocks over 6 games! (The blocked shots stats for the Ducks were somehow redacted from this article to prove a point, but I’ll give you a hint, it is a number associated with sex.)

Another BS thing in these games was a thing called a “Powerplay Goal”. Yeah, Arizona scored TWO of these cheating goals. We only get to put out 4 players, while they get 5 on the ice? Where is the logic in that. How were they NOT supposed to score on us? The league just seemed to want to hand them the series. Oh and guess when one of those PP goals came? You guessed it, game 6, the game winning goal. Some cake eater named Kevan Labanc that we got rid of at the trade deadline came back to bite us in the @$$. That little phlegm wad scored 5 goals against us. How is that fair huh? The loser we trained all year knew the ins and outs of our playbook. He shouldn’t be able to compete in the playoffs against his former team. That would be like your ex-wife courting your brother because she already knew him for 4 years and had the inside track on his likes and dislikes. Kevan Labanc was like the Hitch of the second round of the Stanley Cup Playoffs and win games 2 and 6 for the Arizona Coyotes on his own. Apparently they didn’t even need other players to beat us. Oh yeah, and in case you were wondering, the Ducks scored five powerplay goals in the series, and they earned every single one of those beauties. If you’re interested in why this is even more stinging for our organization, read The History or Our Hatred for Kevan Labanc.