5'9 white male named Johnny causes a commotion in San Jose (California)

San Jose Airport has been particularly busy in the last few weeks. And not only from lost tourists trying to make their way to Costa Rica for once…

No less than 37 players and prospects transited in the Bay Area hub in the past month only. Some distinguished travelers named Perry, Kerfoot and Dadonov are said to be nearing in a complimentary flight from accumulating fidelity points. Heck, Lars Eller should (and probably will) jump on that offer while it lasts. On a side note, the organization and U-Haul have been said to made significant progress towards an agreement for the naming rights of the SAP Center.

Notable acquisitions for the team include elite winger Johnny “Hockey” Gaudreau. After reaching out to every shipping company in town looking for ways to ship to Colorado an arm and a leg, General manager BRRR decided it was perhaps best to part with the Sharks 1st and 2nd round picks in 2022 as well as high profile prospect Dawson Mercer. Mercer was the GM’s first ever draft pick, at number 15 overall in the 2020 Entry Draft, and showed great progression this past season at the WJC and with the Chicoutimi Saguenéens in the QJMHL.

The message sent to the locker room was clear : the future is now. Joe Pavelski is turning 37 this summer. Alec Martinez will be 34 in a few days. Drew Doughty and Ryan O’Reilly are also both now on the wrong side of 30.

But making it’s way through the intimidating Pacific division won’t be an easy task for the Sharks.

The reigning RHL champs Calgary Flames don’t look any more threatening looking ahead to next season.

The Anaheim Ducks are always an oddball team, but trashtalking has its merits obviously as they still found a way to grab the President’s trophy this past season.

The Edmonton Oilers went from a pathetic tanking club to a contending club on steroids in a matter of days lately.

The Vegas Golden Knights keep trading as there is no tomorrow as always, so who knows what they’ll look like come the trade deadline.

The Los Angeles Kings went all in trading half it’s team for the Russian King Andrei Vasilevski himself, thinking that’s the key to stopping all of Pacific’s elite scorers.

The Vancouver Canucks finally moved David Pastrnk after years of having a direct line from Winnipeg ringing day and night in the office, so they can now focus on putting out a great looking team on the ice.

Finally the Arizona Coyotes don’t quite look like that big of a team yet, but man, do they love those Sens players !

General manager knows the task at hands is tall. He made that clear when he included the following future consideration in it’s last trade to add Johnny hockey to the roster :

“Future Considerations: If SJS fail to qualify for the playoffs next season, COL send an additional 5th round pick.”

He also made sure every roster player was aware of that conditional pick, leaving tens of printouts of that trade everywhere around the facility. As expected, the players now despise their GM, trashed his car in the parking lot and promised they wouldn’t let that conditional pick happen. Now those Sharks are on a mission. Brrr.