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Who Ya Got?
2021-07-17"Welcome to the first and second rounds of the 2021 RHL Entry Draft™!", our moustachioed commisioner proclaimed to kick off the festivities. And so it was that 31 real humans began to draft other humans to fill spots on their simulated hockey teams. Life is a fantasy indeed.
No one asked, and I've answered. A near minute-by-minute write up of the exhiralating first round of the draft. And what better way to lead into that then to use a picture from something that has nothing to do with hockey, but does have some form of current pop culture relevance due to the fact that they've just made another movie. Sadly, it's not Street Fighter...
But first we must travel to the past....
11:01am: With impeccable timing, the now former GM of the Tampa Bay Lightning (and owner of the first overall pick in the draft) informs the league that he just needs "like, something else".
5:54pm: The league introduces us to the new GM of Tampa Bay (and former GM of Montreal), TruckNow
Back to the future/present/past...
9:03pm: Tampa Bay selects Owen Power
9:04pm: We join St. Louis in welcoming winger William Eklund
9:05pm: The Rangers proudly select Matty Beniers
9:07pm: Montreal Canadiens pick Dylan Guenther
9:07pm: The commisioner announces a trade. We all boo at our computers and phones as we've been conditoned to do. New Jersey trades their second pick next year to Colorado for the #48 pick in this years draft.
9:09pm: Buffalo steps to the podium to pick Luke Hughes
9:10pm: Minnesota picks Kent Johnson
9:11pm: With their second pick in the top 10, New York chooses Brandt Clarke
9:11pm: Everyone turns to look at the Anaheim draft table as audible "fucks"can be heard after the Brandt Clarke selection
9:13pm: Reigning champions (as we will be reminded throughout the proceedings on multiple occasions) Calgary selects Mason McTavish
9:15pm: He doesn't know where he's from or what he's done (not sure if he's talking about himself or the selection), VideoJ aka J-Roc adds "big boy" Simon Edvinsson to the Ducks prospect pipeline
9:16pm: By stealth of night, Edmonton sneaks Cole Sillinger into the country with the #10 pick
9:18pm: Carolina has the honour of choosing the first goalie in the draft, Jesper Wallstedt
9:21pm: Rather than send Gritty, Philadelphia opts to send a robot to select Chaz Lucius at #12
9:21pm: Ramirez reminds us that their can be only one.
9:22pm: After walking past the Flyers draft table and giving the finger to their draft robot, Nashville GM steps up to make back-to-back selections at #13 and #14. They choose Fabian Lysell and Carson Lambos
9:24pm: Chaz is a dumb name.
9:27pm: Not to be outdone and much like the classic film Robocop, Vancouver unveils their larger and clunkier robot (ED-55) to choose goaltender Sebastian Cossa. It then falls down the stairs leaving the stage.
9:27pm: The Stuster choosters Corson Ceulemans with their second pick in the first round
9:29pm: The GMs look around the room to see which one of them farted. Turns out it was only Toronto selecting Logan Stankoven at #17
9:31pm: Florida uses the #18 pick to take Aatu Raty
9:32pm: Known to drink the blood of goalies and goats, Nashville contends that since they are known as the Predators they have no choice but to pick Nikita "El Chupacabra" Chibrikov
9:34pm: San Jose selects Zachary l'Heureux at #20
9:36pm: Still lying at the bottom of the draft stage, ED-55 picks Zachary Bolduc for Vancouver
9:38pm: The Capitals use their first pick of the draft to choose Simon Robertsson
9:39pm: With picks #23 and #24, the Buffalo Sabres select Matthew Coronato and Wyatt Johnson
9:43pm: Nearing the end of the first round, Detroit uses their first pick to take Xavier Bourgault
9:45pm: The Islanders happily select Francesco Panelli at #26
9:48pm: Another trade. A chorus of boos. Anaheim trades down with Minnesota. #27 for #36, a '21 6th and a '22 3rd
9:50pm: With their newly acquired pick, the Wild take Isak Rosen off the board
9:51pm: Pittsburgh opts to take Alexander Kisakov with their first pick of the night
9:53pm: With their third pick of the first round, the New York Rangers select Samu Tuomaala
9:55pm: Carolina buys a vowel and picks Oskar Olausson
9:57pm: Calgary wants some of that Fedor Svechkov and so they get some with the last pick of the first round
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TEAM PLAYER TSN RANK
1. Tampa Bay Lightning Owen Power 1
2. St. Louis Blues William Eklund 7
3. New York Rangers Matthew Beniers 4
4. Montreal Canadiens Dylan Guenther T2
5. Buffalo Sabres Luke Hughes 5
6. Minnesota Wild Kent Johnson 8
7. New York Rangers Brandt Clarke 6
8. Calgary Flames Mason McTavish 11
9. Anaheim Ducks Simon Edvinsson T2
10. Edmonton Oilers Cole Sillinger 13
11. Carolina Hurricanes Jesper Wallstedt 10
12. Philadelphia Flyers Chaz Lucius 9
13. Nashville Predators Fabian Lysell 12
14. Nashville Predators Carson Lambos 15
15. Vancouver Canucks Sebastian Cossa 14
16. Buffalo Sabres Corson Ceulemans 18
17. Toronto Maple Leafs Logan Stankoven 44
18. Florida Panthers Aatu Raty 20
19. Nashville Predators Nikita Chibrikov 22
20. San Jose Sharks Zachary L’Heureux 27
21. Vancouver Canucks Zachary Bolduc 16
22. Washington Capitals Simon Robertsson 28
23. Buffalo Sabres Matthew Coronato 21
24. Buffalo Sabres Wyatt Johnston 52
25. Detroit Red Wings Xavier Bourgault 17
26. New York Islanders Francesco Pinelli 24
27. Minnesota Wild Isak Rosen 23
28. Pittsburgh Penguins Alexander Kisakov 35
29. New York Rangers Samu Tuomaala 37
30. Carolina Hurricanes Oskar Olausson 26
31. Calgary Flames Fedor Svechkov 30
32. St. Louis Blues Brennan Othmann 25
33. Edmonton Oilers Mackie Samoskevich 31
34. Washington Capitals Ayrton Martino 47
35. Toronto Maple Leafs Colton Dach 73
36. Anaheim Ducks Sasha Pastujov 29
37. San Jose Sharks Sean Behrens 57
38. Boston Bruins Daniil Chayka 19
39. Buffalo Sabres Zach Dean 32
40. Los Angeles Kings Scott Morrow 36
41. Edmonton Oilers Olen Zellwegger 88
42. Edmonton Oilers Tristan Broz 50
43. Washington Capitals Brent Johnson 84
44. Washington Capitals Ville Koivunen 91
45. Vancouver Canucks Brett Harrison 33
46. Vancouver Canucks Stanislav Svozil 34
47. Buffalo Sabres William Stromgren 38
48. New Jersey Devils Jack Peart 51
49. New Jersey Devils Evan Nause 46
50. Nashville Predators Cameron Whynot 56
51. Toronto Maple Leafs Conner Roulette 39
52. San Jose Sharks Tyler Boucher 40
53. Washington Capitals Aidan Hreschuk 60
54. Calgary Flames Ryder Korczak 53
55. Boston Bruins Oliver Kapanen 41
56. Detroit Red Wings Anton Olsson 42
57. Edmonton Oilers Dylan Duke 61
58. Edmonton Oilers Samu Salminen 72
59. St. Louis Blues Kirill Kirsanov 64
60. Boston Bruins Samuel Helenius 43
61. Calgary Flames Prokhor Poltapov 62
62. Calgary Flames Jack Bar 58
Biggest Reach:
Edmonton, Olen Zellweger (+41)
Washington, Ville Koivunen (+41)
Biggest Drop:
Boston, Daniil Chayka (-19)